God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
