I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
