I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
