Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
