i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wanna passion pit in your ass
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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