Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
