There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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