i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Do vagina's smell?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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