I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
