I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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