peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
