are you still at the devil's house?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
