:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Oh god it's open bar.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
