I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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