i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
People in love make me want to vomit
Are my feet made of real feet?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
