I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
