Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
