Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
