This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
