If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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