your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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