Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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