how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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