Having a random hookup so left but love u
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
