I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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