this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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