my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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