I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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