U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
