I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
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this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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