Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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