it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
