They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I am available for nakedness
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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