i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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