Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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