Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
