She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
