i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
