he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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