I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
