I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
