Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
