you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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