I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
