Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
