Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize