I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
