my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
