i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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