a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
