I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize