Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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