just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
