So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
