Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
smell my finger.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
