Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
