I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
