My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just googled if crying burns calories
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
