Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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