Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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