I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
