His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
And then he peed in my hair
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
