That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
