I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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