Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
