I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
