I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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