i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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