My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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