tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
