I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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