I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
