its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
