Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
