once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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