I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
