i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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