I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
