Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
