you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
