i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
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