You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
