Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
