I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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