one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
