I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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